They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
