Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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