is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
