shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
