Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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