dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
