Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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