dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
