now i know why i became what i already was.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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