I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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