After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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