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• (314): View more from Missouri

  My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.

  (585): View more from New York

  I hate you.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...

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• (512): View more from Texas

  If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right

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