and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.