even my farts smell like vagina
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.