I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
