first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.