Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
