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he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
