Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
