Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
