I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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