your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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