Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize