he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
