My girlfriend figured out who you are.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
