His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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