There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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