he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
