and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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