based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
