I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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