I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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