So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
