life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
