I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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