I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
