my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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