To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize