I cannot find my penis.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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