the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
