i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
