dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
