It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
