there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
