The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
