can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there is puke in my bra ... again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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