yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
