It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
