she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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