Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
