Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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