We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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