I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
