sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...