how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.