No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.