i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
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We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.