The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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