Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
