Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
