he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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