I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
