I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
