I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
