he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Couch. On fire.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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