Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
