Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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