i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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