A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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